Dude I'm Totally Married

For the record: I am not married. I have a boyfriend I love very much but we are not married. In recent weeks I have adopted this ‘party line’ to make it easier for me to deal with men who approach me when I’m out and about and it is a perfect reason why I can’t take them to Canada with me, or go for dinner with them, or give them my phone number etc etc. I’m not a liar and thus it has taken me several weeks to get better at repeating this storyline.

The amount of hassle I get greatly depends on where I am in Accra and within the country. Madina I found particularly bad for this type of thing. A two hour shopping trip resulted in many requests for me to either get them a Visa to Canada, send them a plane ticket to Canada, or simply for me to take them back to Canada with me. One man was so bold that when I told him I was taken he asked to see my ring! (that was a first)

The main road leading to Madina Market

Some shops in Madina - you can buy pretty much
anything here from food to cellphones to shoes
you name it - someone has it

Madina is a very busy place and it is a bit
disorienting. Be careful to not get hit by a car

This morning I know I was not in the greatest of moods and I was also quite late getting to work. A boy selling phone credit at Okpongolo Junction said Good morning to me and after I greeted him, he told me he loved me. I just kept walking, having a little laugh on the inside. I don’t think I had walked more than 500m before a guy about my age said “wait, come talk to me for a minute” I gave the usual song and dance that I was late for work (which I was) and that I couldn’t stay and chat. That didn’t deter him and instead of having a conversation I just came right out with “dude I’m totally married”. I repeated this twice before he got the hint and walked away. I mean, it is completely possible that he just wanted to have a friendly chat with me. This having been said, I feel like most times I do have a chat with men here, it ends with them asking me for my phone number or asking to date me or again, asking me to take them home with me.

Another morning adventure to work last week was equally amusing as a mate of a broken down tro tro on Madina Road flat out said “good morning, can I have your phone number” I of course said no to which he asked “can I give you my number? you call me?” Sometimes I really wonder if they do it just to mess with you. It’s pretty obvious you don’t belong (your skin colour might have been their first hint), and they know you will say no nine times out of ten. This does make me wonder if they get a kick out of ‘messing with the white girls’. 

On a more positive note, on one of my first solo missions to the Mall, I was having some trouble getting a tro tro home. I choose to go to the smaller platform instead of the main one because there are less people fighting to get into the cars. A boy around my age came up and asked me where I was going. He was really sweet and helped me get on the tro tro to Legon. He even paid for my fare (the equivalent of 20 cents), which he didn’t have to do. We parted ways at the roundabout on campus after he asked me (innocently enough) if I would go with him to eat fufu one evening. I told him no that I have a serious relationship back home and that Kevin wouldn’t be happy if I went for dinner with another man. Kevin found this whole encounter a bit amusing. I laughed really hard when he asked me “why did that guy pay for your tro tro?” - not a question I EVER expected to be asked!

Kevin & I Summer 2011

Sometimes though, men will just not get the hint as I discovered one afternoon I met up with some other Canadian volunteers for lunch. The guy would not leave us alone after inviting himself to sit at our table while we ate lunch. This young man couldn’t understand how he was being dishonest by saying he wanted to be friends when he wanted a whole lot more than that. At some point you have to be firm and basically say “get lost”. Being subtle or too nice (or ‘Canadian’ as my German friends say), doesn’t get you very far! I’m practicing being more firm - what an odd thing to have to practice.

It is a nice break to go places where you don’t stick out as much. I find wandering around campus is a perfect example of this. There are people from around the world who live on campus and by being a University campus, the number of non-student people who are there is pretty minimal.

One thing I was looking forward to was making local friends as a way to learn more about the culture and life here in Ghana. This is trickier than it sounds for several reasons. Firstly, women are less likely to come up to you and propose friendship (a quick survey of the foreign friends I’ve made have all said that they don’t have female Ghanian friends). Secondly, a lot of the time ‘friends’ doesn’t mean ‘friends’ the way we know it to be. Thirdly, no matter what  you do whether it’s learning the language or dressing Ghanian, you are always going to stick out to some degree. This is not to say that it’s impossible to make friends, however it does take longer than when you are making friends with foreigners. 

Don’t get me wrong, I greatly appreciate the fact that when I am going somewhere and I have the “I’m REALLY lost or confused” look on my face, someone will ask if I need help almost immediately. It’s truly wonderful and I greatly appreciate their assistance even if their directions are frequently wrong. You can make out pretty quickly what the person’s intentions are. Being friendly with people is good, just not too friendly.

As with pretty much everything in Ghana - patience is key.